It is now January and in Come Follow Me we are starting the study of church history and the Doctrine and Covenants. I must admit it is my least favorite year in the four year cycle of study. I think that the last time we studied it I began to understand it better and reconcile myself to what it is and what it isn't.
The hardest thing about the Doctrine and Covenants is that so often the Lord tells people that they should do something, and then a few chapters later he says, "because you were wicked you no longer get to do that thing. Instead do this thing." It is hard to feel like the Lord isn't deceiving the Saints in these instances. This is most obvious concerning the establishment of Zion. The Lord tells the people they will establish Zion in Missouri, but it ends up that they hardly spend any time in Missouri at all. Then they go to Nauvoo, and build the temple, only to have to leave it soon after it is completed.
I have partially reconciled myself about this with the idea that God knew the end from the beginning. He knew that he needed to get his people from New York, to Kirtland, to Missouri, and then to Illinois. He new that he then needed to somehow get them to cross the Great Plains and end up in a fairly desolate desert in Utah where they could finally grow and flourish. For God it was about like herding cats. The Saints would have not been prepared to move to Utah when they were in Kirkland, either emotionally or temporally. They needed the time and the motivation to want to follow the church here and there and finally clear out of the country so that they could have the protection of the vast frontier before the Civil War broke loose. God knew this, but he couldn't tell them straight forwardly, because they weren't ready to accept it. So he herded the cats from one place to another until they were ready to be swept out the back door into the valley of the Great Salt Lake.Since I had this realization I have been able to see God working in my life in a similar way. I feel directed to do something that then doesn't work out. I didn't realize that direction wasn't to an end, but just to the next point in the map on the road to where I really needed to go. When I am feeling emotionally strong, I can tell myself that God knows what he is doing with my life, and I can just trust him. When I am more vulnerable I worry and cry and plead with the Lord on my knees in the middle of the night. I think, however, the trust periods are getting longer, they really are, and the cry-in-the-middle-of-the-night events... well... that still happens pretty often (:-). I guess I have a way to go.