Metaphores and Humor

One of the podcasts I listen to mentioned how the Lord talks to people in a way they can understand.  So to Peter, the fisherman, he said, "Come follow me, and I will make you a fisher of men." (Matt 4:19)  Then to Joseph Smith, who was a farmer, he said, "For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul" (D&C 4: 4 et al)  So I was wondering what kind of metaphores the Lord would use today to modern disciples.   

Here are some ones I thought of:

Lay not up for yourselves deposits in your 401K where world epidemics may destroy, and poor fund managers break through and steal. Rather make your spiritual 401 K deposits in heaven, where no epidemic can destroy nor poor fund managers steal. Truly they will yield a better retirement.  For where your 401 K is there will your heart be also.

Consider the dandelions in your lawn.  You sow them not, nor fertilize them, but yet they grow.  Even the First Lady, in all her glory, was never arrayed like one of these.

Therefore, when you pay your tithing, be not as the show offs, who speak of it loudly and wave their hand around when they hand an envelope to their bishop, that they may get recognition from their ward members.  Rather log into the church website in secret, and pay your tithing.  God, who sees in secret will reward the openly. 

Ok, that was a bit of silliness, but you get the idea.